A Better View

Today is a day where I need to let go and just cry! My heart has been weigh down for many years, since I was a little girl and slowly it’s allowing me to let go. Life always hands people lemons and many people deal with it in their own ways. I live life to appreciate everything that comes into my life whether it’s good or bad. Even when I cry I smile and laugh.

I grew up with nothing and I am living with so many riches! My children push me to be better, more loving, more open and more willing to step forward. For the past few months I hit my bottom and when I need my space, it seems that everyone just wanted to treat me now with like I never existed. I have only a few friends that I can count on that know deeply why I struggle. My life is not easy, but let me tell you I get through it. I may vent about things, but at least I can express myself whether people like it or not. This is my life and no one else can change my outcome.

My husband is my rock, my children are my strength and the love that thrives in me is my way of living. No one can tell me any different! From the moment I was being teased, abused, verbally abused and trying to understand why me? I found it has given me the life that I have now. But no one will understand why I sit alone and cry or why, unless you really listen and look into my eyes. I should cry and I want too, but what you find is me smiling because all I want in life is to smile and want my family and friends to know that about me. No matter how bad things get I will smile!

So while my family and friends sit there and forget or dismiss my why of reaching out for help, they are missing out on a part of my life that they will never learn. When I see a man/woman who needs help, I will dig in my purse or stop by to pick up a meal. When my son has a melt down because he is struggling, they don’t see me crying with him, when my daughter faces things in her teen life, me trying to help guide her, my three old is doing things he isn’t, I am trying to explain with warm words. When my husband is facing a block, I am trying to help him. And all of this, where are my hands willing to help me? But here I am, like I tell my husband “It’s okay, I have you, I have God, I have the kids and I have the few people I can count on one hand who truly know. Everyone is living their life and that’s what I want them to do and we faced near death and that’s what makes us strong and me able to say its okay.” We are all living life to the fullest, some want the luxury of things and that’s what is important to them and most of are dealing with more things thing than the ones who just don’t want to even bother.

I hear it all the time, Jess you need to take care of you and you do too much. If I don’t do them, no one else will. So when I am venting don’t dismiss me or anyone, sometimes it’s a plea for help or allowing others to be a part of what they are going through. Remember no one is right or wrong, nor are you better than others. So here is to me chalking things up and saying, I’m going to breathe again and face everything that God gives me because he knows I can handle it and he knows it only opens my heart to seeing a world in a better view.